spprtmsllqy

There are nights when the thought occurs to me and I’m overcome with a deep sadness and hollowness. I can almost taste what it’s like to live as a shell, haunted by ghosts of the past.

Then there are other scary times when those thoughts are instead a welcome prospect, and I look upon myself in shock but not enough disgust… That a secret part of me is ready to welcome such a fate.

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cldmrngs

I woke up today with a pain in my stomach.

Thinking it was hunger, I had a big breakfast. The pain remained.

Thinking I was constipated, I took a laxative. I went without a problem but the pain remained.

Then I realized I was just lonely. The pain was in my heart, too.

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slfsmsml

As I stood alone at that empty corridor, the thought suddenly but me as clear as day.

My Lord has never forgotten me. He has sustained me from before I know and is still keeping me alive. He ever abandons me despite my heedlessnes, ingratitude and shameful conduct.

It was an overwhelmingly intense moment and I had to sit down.

Every now and then I would be hit with these powerful episodes of clarity and my chest would feel so open and light, liberated and coursing with regret and love. Life would suddenly have colour and my existence would be almost tangible, so precious and yet so fragile a gift.

But I would of course drag myself out to the darkness of night again and drown myself in a black pool. How stupid then to wake up every morning questioning why my life felt so fragmented, exhausting and wholly unfulfilling.

But like a small town approaching the depths of night, the lights slowly went out. Little by little those blips of awakening became less frequent, less intense, till I was completely surrounded in a pit of sticky tar, my own self enveloping me. Suffocating me without taking my life, dragging me down a road to another hell.

Is there any good left in me? Am I truly one of the Lost now?

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rbs

As time goes by, history books get thicker and richer, but humanity on average remains quite set in its old habits.

*

Streams of water
Given time
Cut through rocks
Just like knives

*

I died in September
While boarding a train
This life now’s no different
I must be insane

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nmnslnd

You can do things alone but to do great things you need help.

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scryp

Not everything that feels good, is good for you. In fact some of them kill you.

But then there are those who will ask if death is a thing to be distanced from. Why run away from the inevitable?

Is this life not a prison?

I don’t know.

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mtmrphfrszng

I didn’t know it would be like this. I’m sorry, I can’t.

I understand… I’m sorry I changed.

No, I don’t think you did. It was I who never really knew you. But now I do. Goodbye, brother.

Goodbye buddy.

 

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nfntlp

Nowadays I tend to forget,

Things that happened three seconds back

Nowadays I tend to forget,

Things that happened three seconds back

Nowadays I tend to forget,

Things that happened three seconds back

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ctrsprrybs

Treasure your mediocrity, it’s all you’ve got.

*

Hello, I am Adam and this is my mind. Mind, this is my friend _______.

*

I shouldn’t treat them the way I wanted to be treated, but how they want to be treated. But what I had that was good for me, they now have a choice at having too. I must accept that they may not agree with me on a lot of things.

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mnrmrcls

I was seen doing something when someone approached.

“Why do you do that? It is very odd.”

“For such-and-such reasons.”

“Is that not taking it too far?”

“But so-and-so used to do it too.”

“But he was a saint!”

“Would it not then make sense to conclude that his actions amounted to that rank and not the other way around?”

*

He tried his hand at watercolors but found he was much better at painting with words.

*

My attention was broken by the arrival of a man dressed plainly who very shamelessly began walking through the seated crowd to reach the front of the gathering. My heart was filled with disgust. Who does he think he is? I thought to myself.

Just as we were nearing the end of the class, our teacher called on him, to my surprise, to read the closing supplication. I was shocked. Who was this man?

As the class ended we stood to kiss our teacher’s hand and to my shyness there he was beside my teacher. Everyone kissed his hand too.

When it came to my turn I didn’t know where to look as I kissed his hand when he suddenly pulled me into an embrace. He kissed my cheeks then said in my ear Sometimes the outside distracts us from the reality within.

He smiled and gave me a wink and I left dumbfounded, chastising myself.

*

The man who lived down the street was a saint of the highest order but few knew it thanks to his very low profile and normal behavior. I knew for a fact he would sometimes go without food and drink for weeks when his income was low and only enough for him to give charity. What we gave him he gave away also. Yet he was by no means frail or weak and that amazed me.

“In my studies now they claim we cannot go without food and water for a certain period, it is unhealthy and even fatal sometimes. I disagreed and they asked for evidence. Would you consider presenting yourself as a living specimen?”

“I would rather not actually.”

“But then you’d be able to know what’s special about your body too,” I offered.

He smiled warmly. “I know exactly what’s going on. It’s them who will be so puzzled that they will be distracted from turning towards Him, and I can’t be party to that.”

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