warm; fluffy; purring; soft; lap; blanket; cookies; row; prrt; silent; jellybeans; my darlings



What do you want?

I fidgeted, eyes unfocused, and said something about “aesthetic house” and “learning and learning”.

But that wasn’t it, and we all knew it. Those things didn’t mean enough to me. What did?

No, really, what do you want?

I knew it but couldn’t quite bring myself to say it.

What do you really want?

For everything to just end, that’s what.



Awareness came suddenly. I was on a stiff bed in an unfamiliar place. The shadows and lines looked strange and my heart began racing as my eyes darted around the room. Bad idea! A wave of nausea rose, threatening to spill, and i had to shut my eyes again. All i could hear was my breathing as i willed away the sick feeling. Then again, this time slowly, i opened my eyes, and took in the details.

There wasn’t much i could see. The room was dark and whatever little light that crept in every time the threadbare curtain fluttered, was only enough to illuminate the countless dust particles in the air.

Where the hell was i?

A slow panic began to develop as i struggled to make sense of the situation. Think, think! What came before?

Right! I was out collecting samples, when i heard something like hoofbeats. I remember turning to look and then – blank. Something must have happened.

My body felt thick and heavy, and despite the burgeoning panic, i was starting to fade out again. I was just so exhausted. With one last effort, i tried to roll over to my side.

But i couldn’t. I was being held down. The panic bloomed and i was now wide awake. I thrashed about in my bed – or at least tried to – only to find it had been straps all along. Straps across my wrists, elbows, knees, ankles and hip. What the hell was going on?!

I tried to scream but only a weak croak escaped my throat. It brought on a bout of savage coughs that left me winded, and again on the verge of throwing up. No, keep it down. Keep it down! I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw shut so tight my teeth hurt.

Then the door creaked open and there was the click! of a light switch. The bright white fluorescent lights stung my eyes even through closed lids.

“Right on schedule. Here, drink…” The figure that stood above my bed wore a doctor’s overalls. Despite the light, his face was somehow cast in shadow. I squinted up at him, trying to make out features, but he put a cool and rough hand on my forehead, pinning me down and obscuring my vision. Then he brought a straw to my mouth. Instinctively, i sucked on it greedily, suddenly aware of my extreme thirst.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t water. It felt syrupy and had a faint metallic taste. But boy did my body respond to it, like some elixir of life. With each gulp i felt my strength grow and before long, i was content, not dizzy and actually feeling quite good all over.

But i still could not make out his face.

“Who are you? What’s happened to me?” I asked, surprised at the strength in my voice. What was that drink?

Somehow in the shadow that was his face, i sensed a smile.

“You’re safe. This is a hospital. You were hurt, and we’re treating you. Just cooperate and it’ll all be over soon.”

Wait, what? Who says that to a patient?!

The panic was back and this time, a dark and oily terror crept over me from out of my chest. It enveloped me, strangled me and went into my veins. This was definitely not a hospital, and something was very wrong.

The man patted me on my shoulder and turned to leave. He walked in a strange way, arms not swinging, ignoring my shouts and questions.

And just as the door clicked shut, the air in the room changed. It became noticeably heavier, and i felt myself shrinking into a corner of this unknown hellhole as the floor and walls around me expanded, expanded, and a throbbing presence uncurled itself from an unseen hole behind me, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand. The terror i had been feeling burst and bled into the room, and i felt myself nearly suffocating in it.

I arched my back violently and struggled again, whimpering, desperate to get away from whatever was coming for me, trying in vain to turn and face the nightmare that had manifested underneath my bed.

I was hyperventilating now, my heart racing and then, against my control, i began screaming, the sound of my shrieks in the silent ward stabbing even more fear into my heart as it threatened to explode.



There is a gaping black hole of sorrow in my heart.

Threatening to drown me, heavily painful, and yet I cannot cry.



Don’t come back from the graveyard.


When you look through the mountain, it becomes shy.


The stars stretched out before me,  blinking in and out of existence; beautiful and uncaring.


When the birds fly away, the trees weep.





On a Friday night

In a sleepy town

There was a light so bright

It made the people frown



We travelled to the ends of the earth and there was absolutely nothing there.

But that was alright because we had already found one another.



I lived next to the park, and nearly every morning you could hear the sound of children screaming.

The aliens had recently taken to hanging out in the trees, jumping down every once in a while to give the children a scare. For some reason the children absolutely loved it.



The nights taste of loneliness, longing and tears.



I stood in line, basket in hand. There were two people ahead of me but i didn’t mind. I waited patiently.

And then i heard the first tongue click. It caught my attention but i ignored it. Could’ve been meant for someone else.

But it happened again and i knew for a fact it was from behind me. Then a frustrated exhalation.

I turned to look at the person behind me.

The man immediately averted his gaze and sighed dramatically.

“Everything alright, mate?” I asked, genuinely concerned. He just rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue again.

A white hot flame ignited in my chest, sending heat and power to my fists. I clenched them hard, my vision suddenly brighter and attention hyperaware. I was ready to fight.

But then a voice in my head kicked in: maybe this man was having a bad day. He could be having trouble at home, might have just lost his job, maybe his child is terminally ill.

The more i thought about it, the more i knew it to be true. He was hurting, and did not know how to deal with it so he let the queue affect him, and he let his anger and frustration flow to the closest avenue to him: me.

I felt sorry for the man. I looked down, sober for a moment.

Either way i clocked him across the chin and spat on his stupid face and boy did it feel good.