Monthly Archives: September 2013

cllctn

How things should play out:

1
B1: Are you thinking what I am, B1?
B2: No.
B1: It- Oh, um. It’s…

(B1 shuffles awkwardly)

B2: *remains silent, stock still*
B1: C..Can we-
B2: No.
B1: Sorry! S-sorry, I… I’ll jus-
B2: GO.
B1: Hah! Y-yes go it was, I-I o-okay! haha!

(B1 runs out of scene)

2
Teacher: Hello Sir, thank you for taking the time to meet and discuss your son’s performance.
Parent: Of course, not at all. My son’s an excellent student, isn’t he?
Teacher: Well he is very bright but I am concerned over his behaviour.
Parent: Oh? What about?
Teacher: Your son tends to disobey instructions and sometimes lie to his teachers.
Parent: I don’t see what’s wrong with that.
Teacher: …Excuse me?
Parent: Yes you heard me right. If you teachers can’t give good instructions then he’s free to disobey.
Teacher: Well then, I’m afraid I have to flip the table.
Parent: You’ll have to what?
Teacher: I SAID I’LL HAVE TO

*flips the table*

Teacher: FLIP THE TABLE YOU GOD DAMN DEAF SON OF A-
Principal: WHOA THERE!
Parent: THANK GOD! Your staff here is NUTS!
Principal: Oh no Sir, I assure you he’s not. May I know what’s going on?
Teacher: Of course. This man says it’s okay for his son to disobey instructions and lie
Principal: Now did you, sir?
Parent: Why… yes, yes I did say-

*Principal slaps the man*

Principal: NO MORE! KNOCK IT DOWN NOW!
Parent: WHAT?! What sort of madne-
Principal: I’M NOT SHITTING YOU. FIVE! FOUR! THREE!
Parent: Oh my God okay okay!!
Principal: NOW TELL M- oh, wait a second

*Principal picks up phone*

Principal: Yes? Yup over to the foyer. Okay I’ll be right there. *to Teacher: Sorry man I gotta run. You take over?*
Teacher: Of course Sir.

*Parent whimpering in push up position*

Teacher: Do… Do I hear someone sobbing? Is that… is that a man crying like a little girl? SHUT IT, chump.

3
*Man walks in to a bookshop, Book World*

Man: Hi, I need to find a book, do you sell any?
Staff: I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of books. But we’ve got some guitars today, would that be of interest to you?
Man: Guitars? Have you got bass guitars?
Staff: Yes sir, you’re in luck, we have half a bass guitar left.
Man: Ah, excellent! Can I see it, please?
Staff: Sure thing sir, right this way.

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fmn

‘It’s no problem at all, I’d be glad to help.’
He was smiling but his eyes were full of malice.

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frfn

This is a post that his baeen typoed in a hurry without looking at hte screen and without stoppoing to go back an dscovrret mistakes even though i know ia have obsiusly made them its quite hard to resist hitting the backspace key, its kinda out of habit anyeay i’m literally blazing across my keybpard but i guess this isnat very accurate okay bye

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