Monthly Archives: November 2015

trsfrtrs

I say real men are not afraid to show their emotions.

I hardly cry in front of my family. It’s so rare. Very rare.

When I was doing my national service, we booked out every Friday evening and booked back in on Sunday night.

Most of the time my family or dad dropped me off at camp.

Every single time, I felt like crying. My mouth got dry, my stomach became a black pit. But I put on a cheery front, said my goodbyes and walked through the gates of my camp. Every step I took I felt alone, empty, aware of the big, cold, dead buildings around me, and my family behind me.

Not once did I cry.

Now even as I think of what’s to come, I couldn’t help but cry and cry.

I know when the time comes I’ll get over it quickly. I know the sadness will be replaced by extreme joy in a matter of seconds. I know I’ll feel okay with the distance, and be totally at ease with it.

But right now, this is real.

And right now, I want to acknowledge my feelings. I don’t want to bottle them up. I want to be free from holding back.

Maybe I can’t cry in front of them yet, but I guess we’ll see.

I am a man and I will shamelessly cry because I have real feelings for real people and that is nothing to hide, nor be ashamed of.

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wrhmn

i tuck my daughter into bed, and am about to leave.

Daughter: Daddy?
Me: Yes, sweetie?

D: I miss Mommy…
M: (i go back to the bed and sit beside her, and hold her hand) I miss her too, sweetie

D: Does that make you… sad?
M: Well… before your Mommy went, she left me with a really precious gift.

D: She did? What did she give you?
M: (smiling) You. She gave me you.

D: Daddy…
M: Yes, honey?

D: I’m pretty sure you’re just reenacting some scene from a movie…
M: I… huh? What? Oh look at the time.

D: (giggling) You’re funny, Dad. Anyway, can you text Mommy again? Tell her I miss her.
M: Well sweetie… I really doubt they’ve got satellite reception there, Mommy said so herself. But okay, I will, just to make you happy.

D: Okay, thanks Daddy. And text Nanna too k?
M: Yes, yes I will. But hey, they’re flying back in less than a week, so that’s cool right?

D: Yeah I guess. It just seems so long!
M: Mmhmm, it does, do you know why?

D: Why?
M: Cos you spend too much time talking when you should be asleep! (goes in to tickle)

D: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE okay okay! I’ll sleep.
M: That’s more like it. I’ll see you in the morning. Night, sweetie.

D: Night, Daddy.

And as I walk to my room, I think about what my little girl just said. How she boldly said she misses her Mommy when she’s only been gone a couple of days. My daughter isn’t a spoilt little brat, nor is she a sensitive little princess. She’s sensible and smart and mature. So why did she say that? Because she felt that. And I guess it took her saying that for me to admit that I missed my wife too. I didn’t wanna say it cos it sounded childish and weak but… it’s true. I’m a full grown adult but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel.

I miss my family when I’m  at work, I miss my parents already as I leave their house, I miss my hamsters when I go to bed. I miss them because I love them, and I am not shy to admit that.

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dnnrprty

1: oh hey guys, you’re on time. the dishes are just about ready.
2: aw sweet, hey man.
3: noice. thanks for having us over.

1: remember that exotic food market i told you about? well i got stuff from there.
3: yeah i remember, whatchu get?

1: gentlemen, dinner today is… braised bull testicles in a blood-enriched broth, served with a side of stuffed intestine.
2: whoa whoa whoa. bull testicles i’ve heard of. blood? seriously? they sell it there?

1: oh no, i uh, had to use my own.

2&3: WHAT?!

1: yeah no worries there was a lot of it when i took out my intestine. i feel faint

1 faints

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thbrdstls

I love the smell of my beard oil. It’s woody and almost sweet, mostly man and sort of intriguing. A whiff of it is enough to calm my senses. My cat seems to like it too. I don’t know what it does but it smells good, this beard oil.

Now if only I had a beard, I’d straight up use this lovely oil.

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