I never thought being an astronaut was so fun. It’s scary at first, at least for me; how the ship shakes so hard at takeoff, how my body is squeezed and sight flattened. The whole journey up is scary, if I think about it. There are just too many sensations sometimes that I forget things could go south any time. The ship could just blow up and I’d die in an instant.
But once in space I’m free. It’s as though being weightless literally removes the burdens from my shoulders. Everything is new, everything is fun.
On solo missions I like the quiet time; I’m so far away from the next human being, or life form for that sake, and outside is deep black specked with white. It’s a beautiful sight, I’ve looked, but with each day I look less and less outside and more inward. I can explore more than just the cosmos when I look into my soul.
Being in space has helped open my heart and mind. I see life differently… Or maybe I see life for what it is. I definitely see it for what it’s not.
Life is not unfair, it’s not pain. It’s valuable yet worthless, important yet not the most important. There must be more that lie ahead of us, after we close our eyes, once death overcomes us.
I’m not afraid. This is my last transmission. I got untethered from the ship. It wasn’t supposed to happen but somehow it did.
I’m floating away, to the dark, the blackness, total solitude. I’m not asking for help because nobody can help me. I’m at ease. I feel arms wrapping around me, hugging me gently, pulling me away.
I don’t hear voices but if I listen hard enough I think I can hear my heart sing.
Goodbye. I am happy. Don’t cry for me.