Monthly Archives: October 2016


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I stepped into the room and the stench of his smell hit me; he’d been here. I’d recognize his stink anywhere. For a moment I felt a wave of disgust and anger course through me as I came to the realization that I will forever associate that smell with a person I was hunting down to kill. Ergh…


I stood at his desk with my head down, the report on his table between us seemingly weighing down upon me. It almost felt like I had to apologize but truth be told I had nothing to say. The least I could do was look remorseful.

My boss calmly lit a cigarette and took his first drag. He looked me over plainly and said, ‘You’re a mistake I had to make. I hold nothing against you for that. This incident has cost us a lot but we’ve learnt even more. I’m not sure the rest of the company is so eager to look on the bright side so I’ll save you their nasty tongues and tell you myself to please pack your things and leave. You will receive compensation for the work you’ve done so far. I hope you find another job soon.’

I turned to leave.

‘And Cody… Try not to mess up at your next job,’ was the last sincere thing he had to say to me.

As I walked out to my cubicle I wondered greyly when this would all end. This job I had was starting to take a toll on me, what with the number of people I had to disappoint and corporations I had to deal a blow to. I wasn’t so sure anymore I was doing the right thing but a fat paycheck waited for me and that keeps me going. It has been, after all, for the last 25 years.


I didn’t have to get angry or say anything because I knew without a doubt their guilt would come back to haunt them. It was a torment they threw upon themselves in their anger and arrogance. I was just a bystander; nothing more, never was and never will be.


I glanced surreptitiously at the clock as I made to admire the surroundings. He must’ve known what I was doing because, well, the room was bare and the window overlooked a field.

‘My dear brother I have kept you long enough what with my lengthy speech and overabundance of words,’

That wasn’t true. I’d been the one spilling my guts to him and he’d listen patiently before calmly and slowly asking more questions or releasing forth a river of wisdom that washed me of some anguish and left me thinking.

‘You must be tired,’

I was, and restless. He’d been still – so still – the entire time. But somehow I just wanted to GET OUT.

‘Well thank you for your time, good Sir. I uh… Thanks for the advice and uh… take care of yourself. I’ll show myself out,’ I said without really looking at him. I got to my feet quite hurriedly and walked briskly out.

As I made my way to the car I stretched and moved my limbs. It had been so frustrating sitting down on the floor like that for so long. I mean yeah I got a chance to share some serious grievances and whatnot but man did he have to be so still and calm??

It actually annoyed me a little. How cold he be so calm?!

And yet I found myself drawn to his presence; the stillness of his person, the strength I felt emanating effortlessly from him.

And strangely I found myself looking forward to the next time I’d meet him, and I was already ahead of myself with my planner out, looking for a blank slot to squeeze at least a short meeting in.

Crap. I was going to be late for a meeting with a client. I got in the car and in a practiced rush started the engine and gunned out of the lot whilst fastening my seatbelt and glancing at the mirror to make sure my hair looked alright.



It was the middle of the day when we got called in for an emergency meeting. Boss was already there when we got in, and he was eager to start.

“Right, I need to check that everyone is up to speed on the recent developments in Sector 5. Raise your hand if you’re not sure what I’m talking about… None? Alright moving on. We need to act fast. Think of all the reasons LEAST likely to have caused the incident…”

We were nodding in agreement, already mentally cutting down the list of things to investigate next.

“…and investigate those reasons.”

“Sir? Which reasons”

“The least likely reasons.”

The room fell silent for a few seconds, and then it hit us. We understood, and dispersed to our work stations, adrenaline coursing through our systems.



Just because someone doesn’t complain, doesn’t mean they are having a great time.

Just because someone isn’t crying doesn’t mean their heart isn’t filled with lead and pain.

Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean they’re not in pieces and waking up each day wondering sadly why the previous night wasn’t their last.


Peace be upon him 

I don’t know more than the next person but I can tell you that he missed you before you were born, he weeps when you face a difficulty, he is worried for your wellbeing and he will always be concerned for you.

صلى الله عليه وسلم 

I’m a wise man, I’m a filthy person, but I can tell you that he loves you. Ask your heart because if you listen to that tiniest of voices that we tend to bury, you’d realize it doesn’t lie. When you read about his life, your heart will come alive.

صلى الله عليه وسلم 

It’s nothing complicated. Light and love cut through time and place to go straight to the core of your soul. It knows truth, but the mind is stubborn. The mind convinces itself of its preferred version of a story and eventually assumes superiority.

Still your body and mind for just one minute. Let him in. Hasn’t he waited long enough? 

صلى الله عليه وسلم 

Praise be to the Almighty for this, the greatest of His Blessings.



Recebtly I’ve been feeling my words are paper thin and lack substance. That there is nothing special about the arrangement and whichever way you look from its meaning falls flat.

So I’ll just have to keep writing and writing till their edges get sharper and until once again it feels like my heart is pouring forth through my fingers, and not my mind doing a poor and brittle imitation. 



You have a hold on me 

I hate it but not really 

I turn around and walk away 

But I keep coming back 
I die a little every time 

I don’t claim to fear the end 

But how do I walk bravely forward 

When I keep turning back to you 
You don’t care about me 

You don’t hate me 

Nor love me 

Nor feel 

You are you, in your own existence 

And we are the foolish who draw closer 
I’m not asking you to let go 

You never did reach out 

I’m commanding me to face away 

To break the trap I’ve laid
I think nothing of you 

But I hate me 

You make me hate me 

But no… I make me hate myself 



I’ve always admired Mr Pudoski. He was the enigmatic man who owned Aleph Inc., a think-tank and business development firm.

He embodied everything the company stood for and more. What we had to do, he could do better, and did it first, so we knew what was expected. He had charming manners, excellent foresight and seemingly endless energy.

The latter was something that always fascinated me. I have witnessed him pulling insanely long shifts and leaving the office after looking as fresh as when he started. Even when I got promoted to Personal Aide to The Boss, I never once did see any sign of fatigue or… The kind of tiredness you’d expect to see when a man exits the stage and goes back to the privacy of his own room.

No, even in such informal settings, he never lost that spark in his eye. Not when he had a mountain of problems to solve, not even when the company faced the prospect of shutting down.

And then one find day, during a board meeting, one of the new members stood up and shot Mr Pudoski. The whole thing took us by a shock and surprise like no other…

…espcially when it was then that we discovered Mr Pudoski wasn’t human. Android. 

That was only the beginning of all he’ll breaking loose in the world as we knew it.



That night as he sat in meditation, he prayed that the pain he’d been feeling for the past week was nothing serious. Then he stopped suddenly… It suddenly occurred to him that that wasn’t necessarily what he wanted.

He sat in silence for a long time, lost and entirely clueless as to how he’d reach this state.



I saw a man running out of a burning house
It was a pile of wood and bricks he called home
Now reduced to a pile of ashes
They eventually planted stuff there
The soil was fertile, apparently
The man died of his injuries

And i wonder why all i did was stand and stare



All of you… Understand something. You don’t love me, none of you do. You are simply attracted to me, just like those others.

The difference between them and you is that they know.

So go back, and you will soon find you have lost nothing in my absence.