mrrr

She sat by the window looking out at nothing, really. Her right index traced the edge of the windowsill as she searched for the words.

“I guess i’m not really that sad because… Because i never loved him. I just got used to having him around.”

She looked at me dead in the eye and i felt a sudden wave of nausea. I’m just like that. I stood up to leave, eager to find something else to occupy my mind. 
There’s no time in my mind, no space in my head for this. There’s no time in my mind, no space in my head for this. There’s no time in my mind, no space in my head for this. 

Every single time i tried to find something good about the father i never met, i was met with a crushing brick wall. I still couldn’t accept the fact that a part of me came from such a pale, uninteresting, utterly forgettable, totally unremarkable person. 

I was becoming him even before i knew who he was! I couldn’t become him! Never!!!

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