Sometimes the overwhelming desire of the day is to scream my lungs out crying, and/or to shout and thrash about and destroy everything. Mostly the former, but it never materialises. Always lingers there just at the edge of Things I’m Gonna Do.
My life isn’t sad, but life is. Maybe existence is a journey of sadness. Triumphs and joys fizz out after awhile but losses are permanent. Our loved ones who have gone, stay gone. There are people and animals hurting and suffering, sometimes in silence.
We go about our days doing meaningless things for lousy reasons only for it all to end one day, and then hardly anyone learns to do better. The earth is more sick than before, and humanity has more shiny gadgets and amazing technology that we don’t even understand… But at times it seems we as a community have regressed.
The wave of darkness isn’t permanent. Work and pain and cats distract me for a bit, but then the bleakness washes over again. Some days I’m not sad, I’m just okay.
I know I have nothing to be sad about, I just am. The same way the appendix is seemingly useless but we have it anyway. It just is. I don’t know where it came from or when, but now I know for a fact that it sits with me.
Pain is life and life is pain but I guess underlying it all, life is sadness (but sometimes hidden).